It’s my grandpa’s birthday next week and he said “I don’t want to be 85” and my grandmother, his wife of 59 and a half years, said “well your only alternative is to die”, I can’t believe how affectionate they are
I was having lunch with them today and my grandpa started throwing napkins at my grandmother, and she balled it up and looked all set to throw it back but then she put it down and said “I will not throw it because I was brought up properly, you were dragged” she has spent ¾ of her life with this man
nobleconsort asked:
‘finally, something wonderful is happening.’
santa clarita diet ⋙ accepting
It wasn’t her place to question the empress, but privately, Li wasn’t so sure it was true–and she was entirely sure it shouldn’t be spoken aloud. Something was happening, yes; but wonderful? There was no time more precarious than the crowning of a new monarch.
“Indeed, Empress,” the alchemist said, every word measured and portioned out carefully. She couldn’t be disrespectful, but their friendship was based on Li’s honesty. “Your son will be a superb Emperor. But he will have many enemies, so we must remain on guard.”
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thegreatunxter asked:
‘my sense of humour can be a real jerk sometimes.’
santa clarita diet ⋙ accepting
Eyes darting up from the blueprints spread out on the table in front of them, Rei raised an eyebrow. “Sorry, did I mishear? It sounded like you said your sense of humor, and yet we all know you don’t have one.”
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santa clarita diet sentence starters.
a collection of starters from the netflix original, santa clarita diet! feel free to change pronouns/names when necessary.
- ‘the less time spent at a crime scene, the better.’
- ‘i enjoy the internet.’
- ‘did this guy have a family?’
- ‘there was never a moment i wasn’t scared of you.’
- ‘you’re just a small, sad man.’
- ‘maybe you only treated me so badly because someone else did the same thing to you.’
- ‘still, you can suck my dick.’
- ‘your shirt’s torn, what happened?’
- ‘honey, i need you to do something for me.’
- ‘the food wasn’t that great. stay away from the clams.’
- ‘you have chunks of people in your freezer.’
- ‘you can’t just leave.’
- ‘i can’t be here if the police come.’
- ‘don’t treat it like a placemat at chilli’s.’
- ‘do i miss the way things were? sometimes.’
- ‘i think, maybe i was the dead one.’
- ‘i got tazed. that’s cool.’
- ‘and so, unable to say ‘no’ to authority, the teenager stupidly went below the house.’
- ‘no, seriously, don’t pass out.’
- ‘my sense of humour can be a real jerk sometimes.’
- ‘you got an expensive habit, loverboy.’
- ‘how very retro.’
- ‘did you follow me home?’
- ‘i love you, and we have each other. everything else, we can figure out.’
- ‘what the fuck is this?’
- ‘it’s my fault. all of it.’
- ‘really? no one’s gonna argue that?’
- ‘sometimes i do feel overwhelmed. everywhere.’
- ‘do you ever feel like your best isn’t enough?’
- ‘i never feel like i’m doing enough.’
- ‘finally, something wonderful is happening.’
- ‘don’t give up on me.’
- ‘i hope you don’t mind my calling.’
- ‘i’m as single as a hummingbird moth at the end of june. they mate at the beginning of june. i like science. and moths.’
- ‘we just broke up.’
- ‘channeling my bloodlust is key.’
- ‘he’s thinking… he’s thinking… he knows he screwed up…’
- ‘you are my beautiful wife.’
- ‘i don’t wanna lay low.’
- ‘i wanna make my mark. i wanna shake shit up.’
- ‘by god, i’m gonna have an apple today.’
- ‘what am i gonna do with you?’
- ‘don’t you start.’
- ‘you need to stop.’
- ‘why don’t you make me, officer?’
- ‘you’re too impulsive.’
- ‘you’re right, it’s too dangerous.’
- ‘if anyone investigates his disappearance, they could find it.’
- ‘i’m in a fucking bad mood.’
- ‘are you sure he lived alone?’
- ‘i keep thinking about what could’ve happened.’
- ‘do you wanna talk about it?’
- ‘i’m sorry. i should’ve been there.’
- ‘you’re here now, so…’
- ‘we kinda hit it off, and they’ve been texting me to hang out, so…’
- ‘we’re breaking and entering right now.’
- ‘what a douchey move.’
Christmas AUs
- “I found you crying on the floor tangled in a bunch of Christmas lights so now I’m desperately trying to get you out but you’re not helping me at all you’re just sitting there complaining and sobbing omg” au
- “MY FAMILY ALWAYS HAS THE BIGGEST TREE WE’VE BEEN PICKING OUT THE BIGGEST TREE SINCE X YEAR AND IF YOU DON’T HELP ME LUG THIS THING BACK TO THE CAR I SWEAR WE’RE BREAKING UP” au
- “We both hate Christmas. We’re not doing Christmas. I refuse to do Christmas. We’re having sex all day instead. Deal? Deal.” au
- “Our first kiss was under the mistletoe at a party but somehow we managed to never exchange names and then we couldn’t find each other again for a whole two months afterwards because it turns out you were a gatecrasher as well and no one at the party knew either of us” au
- “You hit me so hard with a snowball that you had to take me to the ER but it turns out that I’m actually extremely attracted to you and can’t help but forgive you so like? Maybe wanna get coffee after? You owe me that much” au
- “I have a giant extended family and you barely have any family at all and this whole Christmas routine is getting tiresome for me but I can tell that you’re really enjoying yourself because it’s something you never got to do and watching you interact with my ancient relatives is fucking adorable” au
Roleplaying with me means no pressure!
I promise I WILL NOT guilt or pressure you into replies!
If I message you about something, it is an EXPRESSION OF INTEREST, not an an obligation!
I will RESPECT your decision to drop threads!
I UNDERSTAND that you have more chemistry with some partners more than others!
And I ENCOURAGE you to follow your muse!
heyyyy if anyone wants to chat/RP (even if we haven’t interacted before) while tumblr does whatever it’s doing, i’m sid#7289 on discord
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